The LOVE and mental ABUSE of a paramedic.

I came across this paramedics story, and felt compelled to share

“I used to love going to work everyday in my uniform, thinking I made a difference to those who needed it, whether it be due to pain, accident, suffering, mental health, acute or chronic or to simply to make a cup of tea and offer reassurance, to both young and old alike. 
Whilst all the time thinking of my amazing family at home, how I loved them, missed them and looking forwards to seeing them again, hoping they would be proud of me when I got back, to be hugged or read stories to the children, to share stories at dinner. 

While at work, I often used to hear “why are you not talking to me?” not just myself but my co-workers are suffering from their own families, “why are you late again?” “are you seeing someone else?”

The answer would always be a simple NO, because it’s YOU that I love and adore.

We do this job because most of us are born for it, because we are kind and caring people, we like to help others and love our families at the same time.

It got worse for me, constant accusations of affairs got to the stage where I couldn’t work with co-workers of the opposite sex to appease my partner. I could attend a difficult entrapment or cardiac arrest and can’t talk for a while, sometimes hours but doesn’t mean we love you less, in fact it’s often more when we see how fragile life is.

We often talk about our lives and loved ones to patients because they have no one to talk too. I would often say how much I love my family, how proud I am of them.

The allegations got worse while running from one job to another, sometimes desperately urgent, sometimes not but don’t know until we arrive on scene to find out. We deal with the issue on hand, sometimes it takes a long time to sort out as we’re not just medics anymore, we’re social workers, mediators, tea makers, and shoulder to cry on, and hand to hold….. 

We clear from the job, both crew members quickly checking their phones and I find a message saying “who is she then!” before a reply can be done, control will send a job. “Unit ***, please respond to an emergency at *** location, for *** reason” and we’re off again. 
Lights flashing, sirens wailing, tyres screaming to respond to an emergency, all the while hoping it’s not serious or life threatening and still think of home, thinking of our loved ones and just wanting to get home safe again.

Work is finished, everyone is tired and we go home to our families. The atmosphere is strained, love is tired but still deep in our hearts, sleep is restless, nightmares sometimes come.

Sadly for me, my story is at an end. We are apart now, no stories to tell the children, no hugs and kisses to give, no dinners and stories to share with the love of my life.

I am alone now, suffering panic attacks, deeply depressed and suicidal, my uniform hanging in the wardrobe.
I sit in my garden, staring at my phone hoping against hope that it will ping back into life, listening for the knock on the door that never comes, vacantly staring into space wondering what my future holds for me, unable to work anymore, waiting for my anti-depressants to kick in that I thought I would never need. Hoping and praying they will kick in soon. 

“why do I suffer like this?”

Because I do a job that most people can’t do!

So please…… I beg you to listen and learn from this, to share my story, to hear my cries and see my tears.
If you have a loved one in the emergency services, please remember, they are not neglecting you, flirting or having an affair. They are trying to make you proud, be it through love, work or progression by serving the community, by serving YOU. 

My heart and soul is now empty.
My eyes are dull, the sparkle gone.
My smile is now a frown.
My heart and soul cries and screams for her, for a family that no longer is for she is now with another.

I sit in my garden now, just me and my little dog, all alone and puffy eyed.

I am hungry, but cannot eat.
I am tired, but cannot sleep.
I am in the knowledge that when I pass on, I will pass on alone.

I bow my head,
My shoulders shake,
And again, I weep

Note.
I share my story because I don’t want others to suffer, as I am suffering.
If you have someone you love and care for in the emergency services, be proud of them, be gentle and kind, be supportive and faithful

For its only YOU that they love.”

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6 Responses to The LOVE and mental ABUSE of a paramedic.

  1. charlie walker says:

    this is a sad reflection, but I cane but help thinking “leave this bloody job” we are employed by arseholes, treated like a commodity, shown nil respect, paid frugally, and pushed to the edge constantly. I too once looked forward to going to work, however after 15 years I now realise that, I don’t look forward to going to work.. Your personal relationships outside of this job are more important, change focus change your life and be happier. You won’t receive a gold watch and pension when you leave this job, so take your sick leave, take long service leave, go home instead of that continual overtime ( its in the award, so push it) and visit the doctor if you are stressed.

    look after yourself no one else will in this job.

  2. Just recently, a group of paramedics, from one year in the job to 20+ got together and put pen to paper to record how the work practices (rosters and workload) were impacting them. The reasons they did this are irrelevant here.

    What came out of it though was mind-blowing. I work with these people every day, we all put on a brave and smiling face for each other and our patients but none of us knew the depths to which our personal lives were impacted by the work practices we are forced to endure.

    This poor man is not alone in his misery – and that is a tragedy.

    I ask why?

    It is inevitable that, as emergency workers we will endure scenes and events that are distressing and will have a long term impact on us. Isn’t that enough?

    Why add to the burden by giving us terrible rosters, by not facilitating us being able to leave at or close to the end of our rostered shifts – forcing us into unwanted overtime, by not giving us proper rest/meal breaks? And…I haven’t yet mentioned the added burden of financial hardship from a wage that hasn’t kept pace with the majority of our interstate colleagues (or the real cost of living for that matter).

    I can tell you why….MONEY. The Victorian government will NOT fund adequate resourcing for this state – not for current demand and without plan for future demand. So, we break our backs and our spirits in an environment that is fixable. In an environment that adds to the, already, challenging issues we are faced to deal with – that we knew we would be dealing with.

    Paramedics are a relatively intelligent lot. They’ll follow their dream vocation for so long but they won’t continue to beat their heads against a brick wall. They’ll leave.

    I, personally, know of 4 that are leaving within the next 2 months. Not wanting to leave – already have other jobs going to leave. I also personally know of another 15 who have applied to other industry for jobs and, still others who are hatching their escape plans for action in the next 12 months…and I’m sure this pattern is repeated further afield than the area I work.

    The government don’t care. Graduate paramedics are cheaper to employ, they burn out and leave in a short space of time which reduces the superannuation and leave burden…money.

    The government don’t care that the Victorian community will have well educated but very inexperienced paramedics looking after them.

    The government just don’t care.

  3. Jim Hall says:

    This is a sad outcome from what is undoubtedly a tough job.

  4. Corinne says:

    Hold-on mate, the meds will work. I am a paramedic and have in a dark place and wanted to take my own life but was admitted to hospital before i could go through with it. People do care, people are gratefull for the sacrifices you have made. We are proud of you and what you do, the community and your patients are thankful to you for everything you have done – including the ever important cup of tea and shoulder to cry on. You will get through this, don’t give up, we do care.

  5. Nadine says:

    Oh my God…that is SO SAD! I worry about the health and welfare of a family member who is a paramedic. They know I am here for them if and when they need me. I love them dearly and my world would be incomplete without them. To all our overworked, underpaid paramedics….THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO. You really are heroes and life savers. Please…take care of yourselves and to the family members of paramedics….give them the space and understanding they need.

  6. Realist says:

    You’re miles better off without your accusing ex-missus! Look after yourself mate.

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